the dark side of being yourself till your place becomes a little space where you are an alien dreaming beyond the wall.- Some songs related to Merini's experience..
here am I..finally, yesterday I was writing my comment or some words..however my pc needed to be charged-
I think that despite having fought for our independence , economically and psichologically, preached the necessity to be self -sufficient in any aspect, now in the long path of my experience I dare say that the real independence is the possibility to do whatever you like if supported, not judged for not working or earning..
I had been working all my life , studying and having a job, I was proud of myself , basket player, translater, spontaneous painter, university student, then graduate and immediately another job like a teacher...till some moths ago..a life!
Married to a a young architect who became one of the most known in the field, a brilliant career, he had been supported and helped by me since we were young. I worked and studied before marriage, I helped him as a studend in buying shirts pulls trousers, some design objects, books, .I was so happy and spontaneous to do that, I had never thought " I am much more than him"that's love! After marrying I kept on studying other aspects,art in English, music and helped students to organize their thesis, always working and earning a monthly salary
He earned a hundred times more than me, but I had to be independent in the sense "do not ask me anything, do everything by yourself, if I needed support in money as young teachers are precarious in the beginning and during summer they don t t receive any salary till October..I had to ask my parents to give me a hand, they suffered for the fact that a rich husband couldn't help his wife, never!so my salary was dedicated to food every morning, fresh food, dresses for both the two, especially for him as I was not supposed to buy something for me without purchasing a jacket, a shirt, a pair of shoes for him, in addition I had to pay our cleaning woman,as I worked in a high school outside Vicenza for many years coming back in the late afternoon: it would have been hard to clean 200 square meters! So I needed an assistant, I was definetely supposed to pay for her because it was me to need her!.besides, I couldn 't afford to save some money for the future as my money didn t support the great plans for the house but THE ORDINARY DAILY TASKS AND CHORES for the routine. "could you help me with a support"?' ,
what for? did you spend all the money?, I have designed restored and bought pieces of furniture by Eames, Le Corbusier, AAlto and Saarinen..and you??my ingenuous answer.."I try to cooperate with everything, from food to ob jects, precious tableclothes, design craft, books, medicines, all of your clothes..I am a teacher not a famous architect!!!we are a couple!..a family.. you can't compete with my salary!"
WAS I INDEPENDENT'? apparently yes, in reality I had to face everything by myself, that is not independence but BEING ALONE...one is independent when one can count on someone in need and can give each other a hand.
I remember my father was very proud to give the salary to our mom every month trusting her, sure and esteeming his woman, my mother gave up working after marrying, she was sorry for that, however she never lamented for she was the manager of the house , lovely and SKILLED WOMAN, sensible with dignity, like many women in those years-.was my mom independent? apparently not, But she was in reality, much more than I had been for years! I suffered for not having owned my money earned through the various high schools in the surroundings, waking up at 4.30 a.. , train /busat 5..30 to Verona, Bassano or and always happy to have a job!
.Now going back to my story , I realize I hadn 't had the opportunity to feel my work saved , and if after recent separation I found Myself without any economical basis from the marriage, I d like to scream at the world the real independence is when you are the owner of your work, eventually shared with your partner! one is independent when nobody used to say "don t ask me for money or around, you earn and you must do everything with that..and everything was done in truth, much more than contribution!
I wasn t independent, I simply WAS ALONE, I lived with a man in the same stunning house, however I was alone and being alone I was compelled to be self-sufficient.
ok one may say that's independence, I will shout a howl"NO, don't confound independence with exploitation under the alibis of a salary earned and spent in a month for domestic tasks, this is not "I can decide because I earn, "this is "I earn but in case I shouldn't have any job paradoxically (public teachers are chosen by the government so it is for life)..I need to ask for help as if I were single ..
Independence is to share with your life companion, to have freedom to save fo the future, to be supported and serene in need..
My mom compared to me -she used to elicit my mind to reflect- was much more independent than I was, so MY IDEA born when I was young because the times were going to change (thanks Bob), in this very moment it is in doubt, cause nothing is obvious and taken for granted....
thanks Freya for this mavellous space of sharing life expriences leading to to the topic and reflecting..
here am I..finally, yesterday I was writing my comment or some words..however my pc needed to be charged-
I think that despite having fought for our independence , economically and psichologically, preached the necessity to be self -sufficient in any aspect, now in the long path of my experience I dare say that the real independence is the possibility to do whatever you like if supported, not judged for not working or earning..
I had been working all my life , studying and having a job, I was proud of myself , basket player, translater, spontaneous painter, university student, then graduate and immediately another job like a teacher...till some moths ago..a life!
Married to a a young architect who became one of the most known in the field, a brilliant career, he had been supported and helped by me since we were young. I worked and studied before marriage, I helped him as a studend in buying shirts pulls trousers, some design objects, books, .I was so happy and spontaneous to do that, I had never thought " I am much more than him"that's love! After marrying I kept on studying other aspects,art in English, music and helped students to organize their thesis, always working and earning a monthly salary
He earned a hundred times more than me, but I had to be independent in the sense "do not ask me anything, do everything by yourself, if I needed support in money as young teachers are precarious in the beginning and during summer they don t t receive any salary till October..I had to ask my parents to give me a hand, they suffered for the fact that a rich husband couldn't help his wife, never!so my salary was dedicated to food every morning, fresh food, dresses for both the two, especially for him as I was not supposed to buy something for me without purchasing a jacket, a shirt, a pair of shoes for him, in addition I had to pay our cleaning woman,as I worked in a high school outside Vicenza for many years coming back in the late afternoon: it would have been hard to clean 200 square meters! So I needed an assistant, I was definetely supposed to pay for her because it was me to need her!.besides, I couldn 't afford to save some money for the future as my money didn t support the great plans for the house but THE ORDINARY DAILY TASKS AND CHORES for the routine. "could you help me with a support"?' ,
what for? did you spend all the money?, I have designed restored and bought pieces of furniture by Eames, Le Corbusier, AAlto and Saarinen..and you??my ingenuous answer.."I try to cooperate with everything, from food to ob jects, precious tableclothes, design craft, books, medicines, all of your clothes..I am a teacher not a famous architect!!!we are a couple!..a family.. you can't compete with my salary!"
WAS I INDEPENDENT'? apparently yes, in reality I had to face everything by myself, that is not independence but BEING ALONE...one is independent when one can count on someone in need and can give each other a hand.
I remember my father was very proud to give the salary to our mom every month trusting her, sure and esteeming his woman, my mother gave up working after marrying, she was sorry for that, however she never lamented for she was the manager of the house , lovely and SKILLED WOMAN, sensible with dignity, like many women in those years-.was my mom independent? apparently not, But she was in reality, much more than I had been for years! I suffered for not having owned my money earned through the various high schools in the surroundings, waking up at 4.30 a.. , train /busat 5..30 to Verona, Bassano or and always happy to have a job!
.Now going back to my story , I realize I hadn 't had the opportunity to feel my work saved , and if after recent separation I found Myself without any economical basis from the marriage, I d like to scream at the world the real independence is when you are the owner of your work, eventually shared with your partner! one is independent when nobody used to say "don t ask me for money or around, you earn and you must do everything with that..and everything was done in truth, much more than contribution!
I wasn t independent, I simply WAS ALONE, I lived with a man in the same stunning house, however I was alone and being alone I was compelled to be self-sufficient.
ok one may say that's independence, I will shout a howl"NO, don't confound independence with exploitation under the alibis of a salary earned and spent in a month for domestic tasks, this is not "I can decide because I earn, "this is "I earn but in case I shouldn't have any job paradoxically (public teachers are chosen by the government so it is for life)..I need to ask for help as if I were single ..
Independence is to share with your life companion, to have freedom to save fo the future, to be supported and serene in need..
My mom compared to me -she used to elicit my mind to reflect- was much more independent than I was, so MY IDEA born when I was young because the times were going to change (thanks Bob), in this very moment it is in doubt, cause nothing is obvious and taken for granted....
thanks Freya for this mavellous space of sharing life expriences leading to to the topic and reflecting..
thank you for introducing me to her work. Sending love my friend. 💜